The day that changed everything

Jan. 15, 14 days before my 15th birthday~
As I walked in the door from school I could feel the tension in the house. Something was wrong, very wrong! As soon as I walked in the door my mom in a very stern voice said "Sarah sit". I said "I am just gonna" and she said "sit!". I did not know what she was going to say but I could feel that I didn't want to. I sat down and she started to explain that my dad was going to move out and that she didnt know if it was going to be for a week, a month or forever but that they needed a break. HA I knew that couldnt be it. She was definitly joking. I just sat there and kept telling her to tell me the truth what was really going on. She had such a straight face no emotions. Then I saw my dad walking up from the basement, tears pouring down his face. He had a suitcase in his hands. He looked devistated. He kept saying he wanted answers. After 14 years of being together how could she just stop loving him. He did not realise I was already home. He tried to wipe his tears but as soon as he saw the look on my face after seeing his face he just completely broke down. He kneeled to my feet and cried. Trying to tell me that things were going to be ok and that he loved me no matter what and that he was sorry. I ran to my room. I was there about an hour just listening to the fighting. My dad was begging my mom not to do it, my mom was so calm through it all. She just kept saying she was done with this life.
I was upset but I knew in my heart that this would pass over.
My mom just stayed at the kitchen table. She never talked to me aout it at all, never an explination, she never even told me what the plan was, so really it couldnt be true. I beleived that she was just doing all of this to scare my dad and hurt him. Thats usually how their fights went. Shed over react, hed appologige and itd all be fixed again until the next time. If she really was serious then shed of come to tell me what was going to happen next and she didnt so it was all a bog joke.
My dad came into my room and sat on my bed. He asked me how I was holding up. I told him that I was confused and not to worry because mom was just being crazy and trying to hurt him. HE told me not to talk bad about my mom and that he woudl do his best to make things right. He sang me the song my girl and we danced in my room and cried and he just kept telling me not to forget how much he loved me.
He left that evening, and came back a few hours later and my mom wouldnt let him in. He was screaming outside that he wanted half of everything and Miranda was his not hers and he wanted her and the dog was his but she could keep the cat... What about me? Why werent they fighting over wo got me? That was the first day of many that I felt unloved, unwanted. Before that I knew I was their whole world! Now I wasnt even worth fighting over, but the big pots and pans and the nice dish sets, the baby, the dog, I tried to run out to see my dad but my mom blocked me and he turned his back. I was yelling at my mom to let him in and he yelled at me to stay out of it. What was going on? How could this be happening? I ran to my room.
The next week I was a mess. I barely spoke to anyone. Me and my mom barely said 2 words to each other. My dad was staying at his parents house. I tried to call but he wouldnt talk to me. I did not know what to think. My world was crashing down hard. My dad wouldnt even talk to me and my mom could barely stand to look at me.
I got up and was getting ready to go to school, I was in the bathroom, I heard a big crash and I didnt know what to do, stay in the bathroom, come out, i just crounched down and before I knew it my mom had opened the bathroom door, grabbed me by the hair, threw me in her room and we baracaded her bedroom door. Then
 another ig crash and yelling. My dad had come through our front door. He was yelling where is he I know hes here. My mom came out of the bedroom and they fought. Police were called and I just hid with the baby and out dog under my moms bed. It was a kind of fear I had not yet known. My dad was sure my mom was with someone else and that was why she kicked him out and my mom swears they were just friends. To this day I do not know the truth and probably never will, but I hated that guy!
Well Jan 29th, my birthday...  I was now 15 years old. A big day for me. I tried to call my dad, he actually came to the phone and said hi and asked how I was doing, but no happy birthday and he let me go fairly quickly. My mom didnt say a word to me. I tried to call my friends but none of them were home. I had plans to go to my cousins house but did not feel up to it but she didnt answer her phone either so I went anyways. When I got in my eyes were so swollen from crying, I could barely keep them open. My aunt answere the door and told me to go wash my face before going in to see my cousin. I walked downstairs and my cousin had this whole birthday suprise planned for me. All of the friends that were too busy to answer their phones were there. SUPRISE! I was so suprised! It meant so much to me. I asked if my dad was here as well and they said no, I asked if he knew about it or my mom and they said no. So it still didnt explain why they didnt care about my birthday. I spent the party really up and down. By the end of the party I just wanted to go home. As much as I appreciated what had been done I just wasnt feeling great. I called my mom and she told me to spend the night at my cousins. I said I just wanted to come home and she hung up. I spent the night and went home in the morning. I wasn't able to fully appreciate what I had because I was too focused on what I didn't. Instead of being grateful for the people who did care about my birthday I was foccused on the people who didn't until it felt like there was only people who didn't care, I secluded myself to feel so alone, as if I had no one left who cared, when in reality I had the best friends, teachers, aunts, uncles, cousins, so many people who really cared about me! In my head I just couldnt beleive that they really did because my own parents didn't. THe only 2 people who really knew me. How could anyone love me if my parents didnt. I beleived it was just a matter of time before they really got to know me and then wouldn't want anything to do with me. I lived in this fear of rejection. THe fear of letting anyone too close to be able to hurt me the way my parents were. I spent a lot of time and energy trying to get my parents love. I did everything and anything just to hear an I love you, to feel something from either one of them, but all I got was hurt. Mean words, hurtful actions, pushed asside. I felt so worthless! I started to distance myself from anyone and everyone, in fear of them getting fed up of me and because it reminded me so much of the life I had once known but lost. Seeing them with their happy parents was like a slap in the face that I had none! I didnt like feeling like that. I didnt wish that they were hurting like I was hurting but I did long for someone somewhere to know the pain I was feeling so I didnt feel so left out.
My mom was always going out and I had the baby with me all of the time! She was my whole life! Only person I could really trust, since she couldnt talk. Only person I could be myself around and she had to love me she had no choice. I took care of her. I fed her, I put her to bed, I played with her, I mothered her! She made me feel so happy inside! Just having me in her life made her smile. I was so important to her. I had to take care of myself cuz she needed me. SHe would hold onto my pinky so tight and not let go. She needed me. I started to really just make her my whole world, partly because I had to, my mom was never around and partly because I needed to. My marks started to really drop in school. I could not focus. I had to get home to take care of the baby. I didnt trust that anyone would care of her except for me.